Chris Rose: The Atlanta Egger

The government has closed its investigation. A terse report was released to the public.

A suspect, identified in the report only as "the lone employee," has been questioned by police – and released.

The conclusion: It was an inside job.

And that, we are told, is the end of the story.

One again, the government has trotted out the old Lone Gunman theory as a way to quell widespread unrest, divert attention from the crisis and salve the bitter wounds of a nation.

The Who Dat Nation, that is.

Because the Department of Aviation at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport – an agency of the City of Atlanta – said Monday morning that the culprit in the egging of the New Orleans Saints team bus last week has been identified.

That person, we are told, acted alone. And Lee Harvey Oswald killed Kennedy.

By nature, I'm no conspiracy theorist.

I believe men walked on the moon. I believe the President was born in America. I don't believe the world will end on Dec. 21.

At least, I hope not.

But, please. We're supposed to believe one person conceived of the idea to egg the Saints bus, thwarted security checkpoints to gained access to transport lanes and carried out the plan – alone?

The report says, this "lone employee" worked not for the airport itself, but for a restaurant there – thereby washing its hands of responsibility and conveniently providing a perfect cover story for how and where the eggs were procured.

Nice  touch: The Lone Eggman.

A patsy, if there ever was one.

I'm neither naive nor inexperienced. Egging, much like toilet-papering, is a communal act.

Who goes egging alone? Where's the gratification in that?

And what kind of culture are we, anyway, that we have the term "egging" in our vocabulary?

My friends, we're on a rocky road to perdition. And this is a cover-up, plain as day. And it will not stand.

I demand an outside investigation, an independent counsel, civilian oversight. Or better yet: I'm gonna talk to my friend Lee Zurik about this.

You just look out, Atlanta. This isn't over. Sleep with one eye open, you Dirty Birds.