Chris Rose: The Super Bowl is a bore

Published: Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:35 PM CST|Updated: Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:30 AM CST
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OK, somebody's got to speak truth to power, say what's got to be said that nobody wants to say.

The Super Bowl is a big, fat bore.

It's a preposterously overblown series of non-events that consumes everything in the news cycle that comes near it.

It's all about a bunch of poignant athletes from poignant small towns with poignant stories – all of whom and which we'll have forgotten by next year.

Millions of trees will be sacrificed to swoon over Beyonce and all the other Hollywood performers while we agree to pretend it's not all pre-recorded.

I can't be the only person who thinks the only suspense in the entire event is wondering – well, hoping really – that somebody blows a cue and a line gets flubbed or 400 million people are treated to the spectacle of an exposed body part or obscene gesture that we can all get communally bent out of shape about the next day.

I know we're all supposed to be rah-rah about this thing and don't get me wrong:

If there's going to be a Super Bowl, I'm glad it's here.

I'm totally down with all the incredible exposure New Orleans will get during this elongated, overwrought, strung out 30 days of, well – exposure – because that means money and good things like, well, money, but other than that....


First off, with the exception of recent games quarterbacked by Mannings, the game itself is almost always more of a snoozer bowl.

Mostly because there are too many commercial breaks, which we're supposed to get all worked up about also, even though whenever anyone waxes poetic about great Super Bowl commercials, they always end up talking about some Pepsi ad from the '80s because no one can really remember anything noteworthy from, say – this century.

And I don't feel this way simply because the game is here this year and the Saints aren't in it.

That's got nothing to do with it.

Nothing at all; let's be clear.

So the rest of you – just go ahead and get swept up in the hype for the next 30 days, enjoy yourselves, bon voyage.

Me, on game day I'm gonna pull out my recording of the Saints game from a few years ago and watch it all over again, like I do every year.

Because, THAT, people, was a Super Bowl.

That was something to get worked up about.